Guilty as Charged

Confession time. I admit it. I am slightly obessessed. If you know me well, then you will know how much I love Top Gear. If you have read my first edition of ranting about teenagers, then you will know that I love Top Gear. If not, then in case you haven't already realised, I love Top Gear.

If you don't watch Top Gear, or you just don't like Jeremy Clarkson, please don't stop reading. My mission in life is to get everyone watching Top Gear, so that it never goes off air. If you are thinking, "I don't like cars. I don't care about them.", don't worry, it is not really a car show, it is simply (to quote Clarkson) "three middle aged men falling over, while a car power slides in the background". IF you don't know what a power slide is, research it. If you don't believe me, watch it. It's very true.

Despite controversy on my methods of making people watch Top Gear, i.e. tying them up in front of the tv and pinning their eyes open (I am kidding by the way...). I have managed to turn quite a few people to, what the non-believers call, the dark side, without tying them up...what no I said I was joking about that... Rephrase, without being democratic about it...that's a bit better...I suppose.

Anyway! Back on track again. Lost my train of thought now. Oh yeah, I remember. If you don't like a certain Mr Clarkson, have no fear about him. He maybe a tad extravagant at times, and not the best role model in the world, but at times he is absolutely HILARIOUS. If you find the short bloke irritating on Total Wipeout, and don't watch Top Gear because he is not funny at times on TW, he is funny of Top Gear, because it is more natural.

If you find James May annoying. Get off my blog. There is no way you can find this man annoying. He is absolutely hilarious, with his dry sense of humour and bad fashion sense and hair. He is so different from the other two, but there is no way Top Gear could have been a success without him, people would have been driven absolutely mad with just the other two.

In short I encourage to watch Top Gear, if you need better reasons than it is absolutely hilarious. I suggest you go and see a councillor.

Popularity

Wow. Someone became popular quickly. Over 500 hits in less than a week?! Now that may not seem a lot to you established bloggers out there, but to little, old, me - that is quite an achievement! Bearing in mind I managed to only get 200 hits in a year and a half, it's quite impressive.

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That's a bit of a change...

Now, you may think I am bragging a bit here and too be honest - I am. I don't care, because I don't know you and I am genuinely very proud of myself! I love blogging, it is my escape. My chance to pour out my mind onto the internet. To confide in people I have never met. Clearly someone out there agrees with me. So I must be doing something right - right? Anyway getting off track here. What I really wanted to say was 'thankyou'. It really means a lot to me that people out there like what I write about because I enjoy writing it. To know someone actually takes the time out of their (probably) extremely busy lives to read my blog, is really very nice. I am not the most popular girl at school, I mean I have friends, just no-one really wants to BE me, if you follow my gist.

Back to the point, one thing that is bugging me though, is where all these people suddenly came from. I mean, how did you all find me? Through Twitter? Through Blogger somehow? The only lead I have is that someone has searched for me on Google because that says where all my blog 'traffic' has come from. It really has baffled me. Though I am just grateful people have come from somewhere! I appear to have a large audience in America, which is nice. If you are one of those people, please comment and let me know how you find out about me! I would love to know.

Right that's it. Big heart pour out over. Americans and (made up word alert!) elsewhere-ians  you can close my blog now. Brits hang about a sec, one thing for you, I am very much in support of Children in Need, which as you probably know, is this Friday. One thing I ask is to give generously to a fantastic cause which helps children in Britain and all over the world. Every penny counts, it all adds up to helping - children in need.

Teenage Fashion (Mark 2)

Now, I do realise I am a teenager and no, I have not gone completely mad. I hate to sound like a grumpy OAP, but teenage fashion genuinely gets on my nerves.

To begin explaining why my own species fashion gets on my nerves, I will begin with the boys. I seriously wonder what they are thinking when they wear their trousers around their knees.  I recently discovered this strange fashion came from the prisons of America; gay men would where their trousers low in order to signify they were ‘available’. In my mind, I do not see the appeal of looking like a gay, American criminal. Maybe they just don’t realise the roots of this absurd fashion. Even if they don’t know, how on earth is waddling down the street due to decreased eased of walking cool, or even comfortable? I have no desire to see what brand of underwear you are wearing, boys, nor, in my mind, is it very attractive either. I found a brilliant saying on ‘Facebook’ recently – “Excuse me mister gangster, sir. Your trousers appear to be descending.” Not often does ‘Facebook’ speak sense, this is one exception. One other male fashion I cannot understand is the combination of low trousers, belts and t-shirts. If you are going to wear your trousers like a gay, American criminal – there is absolutely no need to wear a belt, because it is not going to do anything. Neither is it necessary to then tuck the front of your t-shirt into the belt at the front, just to show off the belt buckle. Boys, trousers are there to be used properly, belts are there to keep the trousers up, and t-shirts are not there to keep the belts up.

I hope those underpants were clean on...

Let me just make this clear, I am not sexist and boys are definitely not the biggest offenders. I am ashamed to say some of the biggest offenders, are my own kind – girls. My jaw drops as I sit in town in winter, wrapped up in a scarf and a big, fluffy, warm coat and I see what looks like a beaten up, black eyed, clay pot of a girl walking past. Tripping over skyscraper high heels and wearing mega short skirts, which would make women in ‘short’ skirts in the 1960’s look like nuns. No doubt, my comedian of a dad would have said to these girls, “Excuse me, if you drop anything. Kick it home”. Wise words indeed. Though the worst offenders by far, I am happy to say are not teenagers. They are the thirty-somes. The women having an early mid-life crisis. The ones you see in ‘Primark’ looking at the size ten dress (which is clearly going to be too small) also being looked at by the sixteen year old. In other words, the older women wearing teenage fashion. As my jaw drops open at the sixteen year old in the skyscraper heels, my jaw then plunges into the centre of the earth at the thirty-some in the same outfit, attempting to stand up with dignity after falling flat on the floor, after tripping the heels that are now being put in the bin. No doubt these women would rather walk barefoot through the centre of town than risk tripping over again. The outfits are diabolical, clearly neither the teenagers nor the 30 somes, looked in the mirror when the left the house that morning.
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Do you think this is suitable for work girls? Or any occaision actually?

In conclusion, I still am none the wiser about teenage fashion. If you any clue about what possesses these people to dress as they do, I congratulate you. You are one in a million.

‘Display Until’ the ‘Best Before’ date is more annoying than the ‘Sell By’ date

So reading the title of this blog entry has probably given you a good idea about my rant this week. I have a tiny, little, insignificant problem with the different dates on items of food. OK, so I'm exaggerating. It is not a tiny, little, insignificant problem – it’s a big problem. I can’t stand them.

Why do supermarkets feel the need to confuse customers by including about a million different dates on food? It’s so confusing! First there is the ‘Best Before’ date, then the ‘Display Until’ date, then the ‘Sell By’ date, then the ‘Use By’ date! Now as any “un-paranoid” person should know, the only date worth taking any notice of if the ‘Use By’ date. Unfortunately the inclusion of the other three dates confuses the originally “un-paranoid” person into believing that all the dates are the same as the ‘Use By’ date. People are becoming paranoid that because the shop wasn’t willing to sell something after the ‘Sell By’ date, that they shouldn’t be willing to eat it after the ‘Sell By’ date. Now don’t get me wrong, if the food is growing new life, then quite rightly throw it away. But on a planet becoming more and more affected by global warming everyday and more and more landfill sites taking over any available space everyday, supermarkets are hardly doing much to save the world, by making people throw things away when they don’t need to.

I was recently watching a television programme about a man who took eating ‘Out Of Date’ food to an extreme. His wife was disgusted by the idea of even eating food after the ‘Best Before’ date. He didn’t just cook and eat food after the ‘Best Before’ date; he cooked and ate mouldy bread, meat that smelt funny and brown bananas. One example is that he toasted the bread, the heat from the toaster killed all the germs on the bread and he was absolutely fine. He also teamed up with a ‘scavenger’ who went through supermarket bins to get food. I was shocked when he found loads of perfectly edible food that has just been thrown away because of the date on it or if the packaging had been slightly damaged. Later, I was reading a review of the show and I came across people complaining that it was giving people the wrong idea, people praising it for opening people’s minds and people asking questions on which dates to take notice of. Of course I am not suggesting you rifle around in supermarket bins or eat mouldy bread, I am just saying that people shouldn’t get so paranoid about ‘Display Until’ or ‘Sell By’ dates! They are for wasteful supermarkets only.

Of course, we all know the real menace here is the ‘Best Before’ dates. People say “Oh no, we can’t eat that! It might poison us!”. Either, these people are very snobbish and won’t eat anything after it is at its ‘best’, but just won’t admit it, or people don’t realise that ‘Best Before’ means food is at a its best before a certain date! It is not the same thing as ‘Use By’ dates! ‘Best Before’ means food is fine to eat but just won’t taste as good as it did when you first bought it. Now we all know that a homemade cake will go a bit dry after the first couple of days, but you don’t throw it away, because that would be wasteful. You still eat it because it doesn’t have a random date stamped onto it by some guy in a factory in Coventry who thought the 15^th October would be a good date to for the food to not be at its ‘best’ anymore!  

When it comes to food, ignore dates that mean nothing. Trust your instinct. It won't kill you!

Musings of a 15 year old

WARNING: Contains Sentimental Rubbish

I feel this is an aptly named post because it will literally be me randomly talking about stuff a 15 year old has to deal with. Ok, so 'deal with' is the wrong phrase. When you're 15 you hardly have to 'deal with' anything to be honest. The hardest thing I have to cope with is trying to do all my homework for GCSEs, so I don't get murdered by my teacher. Let me just say, I am now speaking directly to all people my age: as a 15 year old, life isn't hard. Girls - your hair straightners breaking isn't the end of the world, and boys - every argument does not require you to punch the opposing party. 

I have some friends at school who have only just learnt this, some have known all along. I am no saint because to be honest, I have only just realised this myself (although not the hair straightners bit). So, it seems the most important thing at this point is to concentrate on your GCSEs. I am presuming you are nodding your heads at home, if you are disagreeing - well done. 


You are probably thinking "That's it Maia's finally lost it", in fact if you nodded your head at the first instant then you will definately think that when I say: My mother speaks sense. She once told me recently that the most important thing is to have friends around you, and that if you get marked quite low for a piece of GCSE controlled assessment (coursework) then take heed of that fact and think about how you can improve. I being the teenager I am deftly replied "Well it's not going to count towards my GCSE though is it?!". She was right. Friends and positivity is what it comes down to. If you have friends around you, to support you and help you, you will do better. I am sorry this was full of sentimental rubbish - but I did warn you. Just one piece of advice, if you are a 15 year old, listen to your mother - she speaks sense.

Just the other day I was watching the X-Factor and they don't often speak sense or give life advice worth taking heed of, but one thing Kelly Rowland said really struck a chord with me:
"Don't give up. When something bad happens, don't let it knock you down, use it to build yourself back up again".

Public transport

Every country has it's own lot of public transport, in England taxi drivers rip you off, in America there is no decent public transport and in Madeira, the public transport really is in a class of it's own.

 Madeira is a small island of the west coast of Africa, which strangely belongs to Portugal, (a fact which has baffled me for years). It is an extinct volcano turned tourist island and is absolutely beautiful. The views from the mountains are spectacular and the gardens are beautiful up there. Now you are probably thinking at this point, "Right. OK. Why don't you just hire a car and drive there, is the public transport is so bad?". There is a very good reason for this. The only way of getting up there is by driving up the mountain roads. "OK, and?" I hear you say, well they are 5ft wide and have no barriers, and are all gouged out of a mountain which means they are on a sheer cliff face, under waterfalls. I am not afraid of heights, but these treacherous roads scare even me...

So now hire cars are out if you want your holiday to last more than a day, before you end up impaled on a banana tree. Your next option is buses. Right, OK, where to begin. Buses in Madeira are, putting this lightly, uncomfortable. There are about four seats (usually filled with tourists who lost their hire car over a cliff), no air conditioning, a gear box that like it has seen better days and not and not enough room for more than five people standing (but Madeirans will not accept this fact and will try to get the bus when it is clearly full) and suicidal bus drivers. So in conclusion - buses are a no no.

You finally accept that you will have to either walk or take a taxi, walking is OK for short distances, but the floor is cobbled (which is painful in summer shoes), so you take a taxi. Oh dear, somehow Madeiran taxi drivers have the uncanny ability to be everything you don't want in a taxi driver, they drive the longest possible way, in the most congested part of town to try and get as much money out of you as possible. They all drive clapped out Mercedes Benz, with worn leather seats and bad air freshener.Worst of all they are all out to kill you.

Told you they were all Mercedes

 They drive down the roads so fast you swear you are going to fly of the edge of the cliff, though of course they reassure you in their friendly way, and you know that they are not going to fly off because you know they are experienced. Then the day comes when you book a taxi tour for the day, and the new inexperienced, young taxi driver turns up to take you on a relaxing drive to the pretty village of Monte up in the mountains. It certainly looks a lot prettier when you see it up ahead and realise your encounter with death is nearly over. People wonder why a lot of tourists who have been going to Madeira for years stay and walk to town, instead of going up the mountains - I think I just found the reason.

Headlines...

What is wrong with the world? Actually don't answer that... I don't particularly want to know your pet hates and other stuff...
What I find with planet Earth is that for some reason nothing happens for about 1 or 2 months, when the top headline on the news is that a baby only got paid £40 pounds to play Harry Potter for 1 minute, then all of  a sudden, everything happens at one go, and the news has to be extended. Your probably thinking, "What are you talking about?", but think about it, over Christmas nearly nothing happened, then all of a sudden, the earthquake in Christchurch in New Zealand, the floods in Pakistan then to top it the uprisings in Egypt and Libya. Then it all went quiet, but not for long! It all kicked off again, Japan got hit with a devastatingly angry tsunami, Gadaffi got angry, London, Birmingham, Manchester, Nottingham and Derby youths got angry, and a 500 mile lady called Irene got angry too...wait no that's a hurricane, but you get my jist.

This is just my point, something big happens, then the big guy in the sky decides we need a break to recover and then BOOM! Big disaster again! No wonder people are getting increasingly stressed and depressed (hey that rhymes), not only is Mother Earth being hit constantly with disasters and youths throwing bottles at it, then people are telling us the world is going to end tomorrow if we don't change the world right now... I am sorry but I am not a religious person and I mean no offence in any way, but Harold Camping - you're a nutter.

Now I was going to end the blog there, with a short sharp witty phrase, but no time to be serious. I am devastated for everyone hit by disasters all over the world and wish the best for anyone hit by the tsunami in Japan, the earthquakes in Christchurch and the floods in Pakistan and Haiti and I wish all the best for everyone who suffering in Hurricane Irene, but for flip sake, would somebody shoot Gadaffi already!